The More I Learn, The Less I know

When I was a child, I knew nothing about God.  I didn’t really know anything about Jesus, and I really knew nothing about God at all.  I went to Awana’s when I was really little, but that was about it.  Brief history here, my parents divorced when I was young.  Before they divorced they had a terrible experience at a church with a minister who didn’t understand how the modern economy and world worked.  They couldn’t make it every week, not that they didn’t want to, they physically couldn’t.

I was raised in a house that didn’t attend church, and neither of my parents grew up in homes where they talked about their faith, so neither did they.  My mother re-married a fantastic guy, who I love like he has always been my family, when I was eleven.  Not long after that, they both were convicted and decided to look for a church.  They fell in love with the first one they visited.  I was saved in youth group, helped in youth ministry, moved to the worship ministry, and began to lead the college age ministry.

I had hit the peak of knowledge.  I had gone through the classes, I had learned what they taught.  I seriously thought I knew almost everything to know about God and Christianity.

Then I became the worship pastor at a new church in the area.  The senior pastor started to train me, and gave me a rather large reading list.  I read, and read, and read.  Something dawned on me…the more I learned, the more I realized just how little I knew.

I had put Jesus in a box.  I didn’t realize it, but I had.  I knew that you lived out your faith, and I did.  I lived as a Christian, I studied as a Christian, I worked as a Christian.  But I never really realized just how completely God is in every aspect of my life.  I told people He was, I taught people He was, but it wasn’t until I accepted the fact that I knew practically nothing and that God is so infinitely vast that it actually sunk in.

It took me realizing that I am nothing for me to see that God is everything.  I don’t mean that in the sense that God IS the Universe and we are like cells in Him.  I say that God is the MEANING of everything.  It’s funny really, the more I see that I am valueless, the more God shows me just how valuable I am.  The more I surrender and give myself freely to God as a bondservant, the more God shows me just how free I am.

This perplexing phenomenon has led me to studying more.  Because the more I know, the better chance I have at understanding more how God designed me and wants me to be.  This relationship is unlike any other, and I find myself wanting more.

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