Another night having issues falling asleep. I find that in times approaching a change in my/my family’s life, I feel a spiritual unrest–especially at night. It keeps me tossing and turning, which in turn keeps Shannon awake as well. Some nights, like tonight, I find it easier to just leave the room and let her sleep.
This is one of those times in my life that seems all too familiar to me; one of the ever so fun waiting periods that God has us in. I feel stagnant. Not spiritually, but rather physically. I just got out of quite a lull in my spiritual life and growth, and now I’m growing with Christ and am quite satisfied with what He is sharing. Shannon is going through quite a rough time at her work right now. It’s quite frankly to the point that we don’t know how much longer she can stay there. The sad thing is that it has nothing to do with her performance or really her at all; rather others egos and their lust for control.
We are at the point of a major change in our lives. Both of us feel it. It’s exciting, terrifying, nerve racking, and strangely calming at the same time. We know that God is in control, so there is peace, but the unknown and (what feels like) excessive wait is excruciating.
Waiting seems, at least to me, to always be the hardest part. I have no problem moving on when God says it’s time. I don’t mind moving, changing positions, lending a hand…..I just have a hard time waiting for the right time. That being said I do my best to handle it knowing that in the long run it’s all for God’s glory.
I’ve been reading “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan. I’m finding the more and more I read Chan’s stuff the more and more I like him. “Crazy Love” was a life changer; “Forgotten God” so far is a point prover. It simply amazes me how some of the things that I hear from the Spirit, God also tells someone else. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone.
Most of my posts are either book reviews or poorly constructed parables to get people to think in a slightly different way about something they haven’t given much thought to in a while. This post is different. This post is a struggle I’m having right now in my life. I think it’s important that we realize that behind the blog posts, behind the books, behind the sermons or great songs….we’re all just regular people.
I haven’t been a minister at a church for nearly a year now. I’ve been a bump on a log; going to a local community church with my family. I’m helping out on a very small scale with their Praise and Worship ministry. All-in-all not a bad thing; and probably something that I really needed to go through. But I think it’s time for a change. The feeling is back. That feeling, rather, that call that I had when I first became a pastor. I think God is calling me back to a pastor’s position…somewhere. I don’t think it’s where I’m at now, and I don’t know in what kind of position….I just know the time is coming.
“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” – 2 Peter 3:9
While it might be hard to wait, it’s good to reflect and recognize that God is not slow, we are not fast, and it’s really not about our schedule at all. It’s about His plan, His timing, and His Glory. When everything is said and done, no one is going to care about how long you had to wait to share about Jesus with someone else; not even you. The only thing that’s going to matter in the end is that Jesus was shared.